Hardest season

I want to thank you all for supporting my family during the most difficult season of our lives.  

On July 20, 2018 my brother, Tim passed away.  This occurred 3 weeks after he was found collapsed in his front yard followed by 3 weeks of being in a coma.  He was only 46 and left a wife and 3 girls.

Tim was an amazing father, brother, son, and friend.  He dedicated his life to God, then to his family, then to his community. As you can see from the pictures I've posted, our family is extremely close and I've always considered that closeness to be a huge blessing.  But with closeness comes risk.  Our family now has to learn how to continue life here on earth without a big part of our family.  

  

I know many of you have expressed a wish to help and for that, I'm extremely thankful.  But, the best thing you can do for us is pray.  Pray for us as we experience our first Thanksgiving without Tim; our first Christmas, our first everything without him. Also, mainly, please pray for my sister-in-law who has loss the best teammate one could have.  She is now having to learn how to live life and raise 3 girls on her own.  She is extremely strong and I have been inspired by her faith but even the strongest of warriors will have bad days.  So, please pray for her and my nieces as they have been the most effected by this loss. 

Above are my 3 nieces and 2 nephews.  As part of my brother's funeral, we offered for people to donate into my nieces' education fund instead of flowers (if they preferred).  

So, if you would like to donate, please email me.    

Growing

This sudden loss has rocked me to the core.  Everything I said I believed in was challenged and I had to examine my faith. Strong emotions didn't help clear up what's true and what wasn't.  For the first month, all I could pray was "God, get us through this". Other than that, I couldn't talk to God at all.  I couldn't read the Bible or trust anything I believed; especially in regards to prayer. But, I decided to commit myself to studying God's word to find out what it reallysaid about prayer. Upon examining the Bible, I realized that prayer isn't something we use to ask God for things.  It's seeking His heart and His understanding.  IF we are to ask for anything, it's base on HIS desires....not ours. And prayer isn't a tool to seek God's hand but to seek His heart.  God just wants us to get closer to Him.  Even though I knew this in theory, it became more real to me.  I had allowed my prayer life to be more based on seeking His hand than just spending time in His presence.  

I wish I could say I have gotten over everything and don't have any more doubts but that would be lying.  I'm still working through this whole situation and am trying not to allow my grief blur what's true.  I do believe that if we choose Him, He will strengthen our faith and our relationship with Him; but it will require everything of us because with grief, faith can disappear.  Everyday is different.  Some days, I can be at peace that Tim is seeing God face to face right now.  Some days, all I can do is cry and ask God "why?".  So, everyday, I have to choose not to be overwhelmed with loosing my only brother. I have to choose not to let my emotions tell me what's true.  Everyday, I have to choose the hard path....believe God in what He says is true.

At least we have a LOT of good memories to hold on to. 

What's Next?

I am still on track to pioneer a YWAM training base in Alabama.  I'm still expecting this to take several years to attain but I am doing what I can to get to this goal.  

To prepare for this, I have to get trained in all departments needed to run a training base.  I have already been trained/worked in Admissions and staffing the DTS (one of our schools).  This upcoming quarter, I will be working in Personnel.  This includes scheduling all of the staff, Monday-Friday.  This is a big job because there are 50 staff, 5 working days, and 4 different slots each day to schedule.  All of that to say...it's a full-on job!  We also are in charge of everyone's vacation requests, talking to staff who are not working according to our guideline, etc.  It's a constant job and I love it!!!!! It's like a constant jigsaw puzzle and it keeps me active.  

Next year, January-March, I hope to take a Bible Core Course.  This is an intensive Bible course.  It's similar to squeezing a year of seminary into 3 months. I believe this course will help me find a lot of answers I've had during this grieving time. This will only depend on raising enough finances for it.  Luckily, thanks to my Mom's training, I've been saving up for it and won't need to raise too much.  The course is $3800 but I only need to raise $1000. 

After March, I'm not sure what's next.  It will depend on what my base needs.  I'm here to serve the base where they need most help and every quarter is different so I will have to wait.  

Please keep praying for a team to join me in Alabama.  As you can tell, there are a lot of departments that I need to run a base: accounts, school staff, personnel, admissions, IT, worship, etc.  I'm doing what I know to do to get this base started but I have to trust God to do what He only can do.  It's His calling I'm following and it is way bigger than me so it will have to be Him who makes it happen.  So please pray for a team.  Thank you!!

I am blessed to have you in my life.  People who are willing to walk this journey with me...through the good times and the hard times.  Thank you all for your support!

Prayer points

1) My family as we deal with the loss of our loved one

2) Finances needed for the Bible Core Course

3) A team to join me to pioneer a base in Alabama